As expected, today started out with emotions raised to the surface as I faced the last day of my usual day to day repetition of work, cook, eat, play with Milo and sleep. As much as I needed a change, I was scared! Unfortunately Chris had to be with me as I faced the difficulty of not knowing how the "non work life" would be for me and if I would like it. The hardest part of it all was feeling like Chris still "needed" me. I have always provided for myself never depending on someone else these past 7-8 years. My dad taught me to be responsible and hard working as a young teenage girl. It started out I am sure keeping him company while he had to clean buildings all alone in the evenings but then it quickly led to responsibility which I have carried with me up to this point. My thoughts were me not bringing in income, not carrying for any children, what is it that I am doing with what self worth? It all came down to trust, Chris was trying to provide a wonderful opportunity for me to focus on my self and deepen my self worth, value and knowledge in life. To help myself, I printed out a daily schedule with a list of things that I first wanted to work on. And yes, I have it on my refrigerator. I feel I need improvement spiritually, physically, musically and etc. so we will see how it goes.
For tonight, we started off celebrating and hanging out with friend, Cassie and Jason at the Tavernacle in downtown SL. The Tavernacle has two pianist that play songs requested by the audience. It was fun to get out but I wish it would have been "cleaner." The good news is that I get to start the weekend off with a 3 day weekend with my hubby because Chris gets Martin Luther King Jr. day off Monday. Talk about timing!
No comments:
Post a Comment